Why we should all have a stripper name

Why do strippers have a pseudo name? Apart from that it’s probably a super sexy name like Diamond Rain (if she goes as far as adding a sir name), she wants to keep her work life and home life separate and probably dodge the tax man. She doesn’t want customers looking her up or talking about her around the water cooler the next day and someone saying “Who Sarah Smith, I went to school with a Sarah Smith.” She wants Sarah Smith for her home life, at university, the school run, her day job, and for the other side of life there is Diamond, the sexy, mystery woman.

Realistically we all have a side of our lives that should not be open to everyone. Our parents don’t need to know how drunk we got at the weekend, our work mates don’t need to know how we look in a bikini, our boss doesn’t need to know our ignorance regarding world politics like Blackpool beautician Gemma Worral with her recent tweet about “our president Barraco Barner.” but it’s all there, from our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, an amalgamation of drunk you, sexy you, stupid you.
Gemma Worrall’s stupid tweet caused an online frenzy.

Recently I had an interview for a new position, my interviewer pre-interview added me on Facebook, since mine is a private account to have a snoop at me she had to get me to accept her. My question to myself was, is what she will see on my Facebook a positive reflection of myself? If I didn’t accept it would seem like I was hiding something, but being judged professionally on many party pictures and off the cuff updates wasn’t an idea I relished. My profile stretches back 5 years and I’ve changed a lot over that time, now and again I like having a browse back down memory lane but I don’t need every new person I meet joining me.

It got me thinking that it would have been better if the only online presence she could have found of me was my Linkedin profile, no shots if me dancing on tables there. The same goes for my dating life, any potential suitor will probably have a quick Google of you, I know I have, and they aren’t looking for conformation of how wonderful you are, they’re looking for dirt! Have you been bankrupt, divorced, lied about anything you’ve told them, they wonder what your lifestyle is like and will draw a conclusion from your online presence and that might not always be the right conclusion.

So a stripper name would be the answer, yes old school friends won’t be able to look me up me but let’s be fair, if I cared about keeping in touch I would have. Some random at a party might not be able to add me the next day but I won’t be losing sleep over that, and since I’m hardly going to give up on my over sharing addiction, the next time I’m telling them all “I’m in the gym” they might just wonder why I’m suddenly called Pussy Laquoix.

If you want to figure out your stripper name below are some simple instructions:

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p= Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c =tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice