Hackney Empire’s A Touch of Class was a night to remember. If you like laughing at hard hitting comedy till your cheeks hurt, and watching some of the best musical talents, then make sure you get your tickets for the next one. And for the ladies out there who love the chance to get up, close and personal to a bit of icandy, then this is the ultimate entertaining experience.
Hosting to a full audience of 700, Stamina set off A Touch of Class and wasted no time introducing the headline comedy acts.
Choice FM’s new breakfast presenter, Kojo, was the first comedian who had the audience roaring with laughter. As usual, the people sitting at the front were the targets and Kojo began asking a very uncomfortable looking man why he is sitting next to his girlfriend like she’s a secret.
And he didn’t stop there. When he set his eyes on an Asian person, Kojo wanted to know why Asians are so tight with money and won’t let him off when he is 1p short! TV, kids and self-defence were next on Kojo’s list and he left the stage to a crowd of all smiles.
When it came to music, Don Campbell was the first artist to get the audience singing along. Coming from a reggae and lovers rock era, Don transcends generations. With his soulful voice that can reach all tones, Don had girls screaming out for marriage. The way he sang See it in Your Eyes and Robert Marley’s Redemption Song in a cappella, Don had the entire audience in awe. His melody was enchanting and he got the crowd moving in their seats with his finale song That Girl Can Dance.
Acknowledging the pioneer Smiley Culture, Tippa Irie was another legend coming from the same era and sound. Calling himself the original ragamuffin, Tippa gave an energetic performance, having more life in him than some men half his age. His unique voice and funny facial expressions added to his flavour and the crowd cheered after he sang Hello Darling and the title of his brand new album – Stick to my Roots. He encouraged everyone to download it from iTunes and stressed to all parents that if they can’t click a few buttons they should get their kids to do it! Mc’in faster than Twister, Tippa Irie asked for the spot lights to be turned down so he can see who might cuss him behind his back!
Moving back to the comedy, Real McCoy legend Curtis Walker blew everyone away. He had people almost falling off their seats. For a start, he almost had a heart attack to his introductory song Wiz Khalifa’s Black and Yellow and cussed the DJ to play big people music!
In fact, Curtis was pretty much angry all night, and hilariously moaned about the limited parking spaces in Hackney to Jamaicans in Caribbean restaurants who want to kiss their teeth when he asks for a pattie and drink. Doing a classic impression of a waddling Jamaican woman behind a till he yelled: “Me nah like it! Him see me right near de fridge warming up him pattie, and him wait till me get all de way back before him tell me he want drink! Black people man!”
And to all the guys wanting dating tips, Curtis had one simple rule – find a woman who is a T-Total vegetarian. Every dining experience will be nice and cheap as she munches on her raw food.
Hip Hop and grime artist Solo Flips from NDoubleA followed Curtis and performed his single ‘Crazy.’ Although he looked a bit nervous, he gave a good performance singing and rapping.
But when the next highly anticipated artist was introduced, there was a hush from all the females in the venue.
Women mature and young were craning their necks and standing up to glimpse the mysterious singing man sang who could be seen no where on stage. His melody rang through the crowd and his voice had the undivided attention of women fumbling in their seats.
The lights dimmed low as the UK’s future of RnB slowly walked through the crowd and onto the stage.
It was Dele, and he had the women screaming while he tantalised their imagination with his sensual lyrics.
When he got on stage and faced the audience women were shifting to see Dele’s face. But all that could be seen beneath his hat bent low was a smile and then his lips moving slowly to his song in a cappella.
When he finished his introductory song the lights reached a deeper red as he told the ladies he is so shy and needs to feel love to make him feel more welcome. At this point each lady saw it as their individual duty to show this love and screamed to the top of their lungs like they were ready to pounce on him.
Wearing a black baseball cap, black jacket, jeans and trainers, Dele started moving on the stage tempting the female eyes all around him. Two equally sexy male dancers stood on either side of him all showing off their moves while Dele broke into his first main song – his own version to Gyptian’s Hold You.
Dele slowed it down for the ladies, clenching his fist high in the air as he effortlessly moved on stage. He showed that he has the voice and dancing skills to knock women off their feet. Dele turned up the heat and slowed it down even more as the screaming stopped and the dribbles began. Taking off his jacket to reveal his muscular arms underneath his vest, Dele sang Marcus Houston’s Naked. He was sending a message to his fans as he sang with soul and passion, taking the melody to a deeper level.
Smiling he teased the women and told them he was coming for them as he lifted up just a little of his vest to reveal the packs that had the ladies fanning themselves with their hands.
The men in the audience could only look around and exchange looks with other men as their wives, girlfriends and dates forgot they existed while Dele was on stage.
Then Dele spoke.
Slowly and confidently, Dele told the audience that love music was far from dead and a bit of raw talk does not alter the romance of today’s music.
“Just cos a song has ‘F u’ in it, that don’t mean anything. I say it, cos I want a woman to know how I’m gonna f her right!”
FU Right is Dele’s new single and he gives enough detail in his song that evidently made women lose their minds. Dele’s sexy demeanour added to his lyrics which told ladies how he wants to make them bite their lip and make their body scream till they lose control…
Dele was giving the ladies a taster of what passion means with him and they couldn’t take their eyes off him for a second. Dele owned the stage.
As he pulled off his vest the camera phones went up as women started recording what was clearly the highlight of their night.
And then he said something that no one was expecting.
Dele wanted 3 women to join him on stage. The men in the audience could only brace themselves wondering when the stampede would start.
Dele asked the ladies not to be shy as the girls hollered like their lives depended on it. Girls in VIP boxes were ready to ditch their champagne bottles for a chance to get close to the star. Three chairs were waiting and 3 elated girls jumped on them.
Then that was when the fun started!
Dele and his two dancers each went behind one of each excited girl as the crowd laughed. The men whined and danced around the chosen girls who looked like they were going to faint.
Now A Touch of Class is not for the under aged, because what happened next made the girls giggle with embarrassment. Dele and his dancers danced and slid between the girl’s legs on stage who immediately wrapped their legs around the men. One was waving her hands in glee while the others massaged the guys’ backs!
Women could be heard pining for Dele as he continued to sing stopping for moments to kiss his lady’s neck. And just when it couldn’t get any better the men sat on the women, grinding on them. They must have forgotten they had an audience watching!
Then out of no where the men lifted the chair seating their lucky girls and ran off stage with them!
Whatever they decided to do backstage, it was definitely hot and steamy!
Will E Robo was far from happy that the screaming girls applauded Dele but he just about got a cheer! Diddy’s number one bad boy and the best comedian on the night walked off stage and demanded a louder applause! It was hilarious! He took off his own vest and revealed a body no where near as buffed as Dele’s and told the ladies to drawl over his packs!
Will E Robo famously added sound effects to his comedy describing women looking like ninjas who just can’t walk in their heels, to imitating the role-play he uses to entice women which range from being the terminator, to alien to predator.
BLAPS! from men filled Hackney Empire when Will told his last joke before reggae artist Gappy Ranks was the last of the musical talents to perform to the waiting crowd.
Gappy Ranks, known for his track ‘Heaven in her Eyes’ performed it with ease and smiles.
And the show’s finale saw the big comedian Slim, who had a story to tell that no one would forget. The best way to describe it would be to use his own words: “Did you know me bruk me cock?”
The crowd were crying with laughter as Slim recalled his accident with a lady on as sofa and just like Curtis, Slim gave men advice – only this time is was how not to bruk your cock.
By the time he was done the audience were on their feet shouting their praises to Slim who performed his material with a natural flow and charisma.
A Touch of Class had something for everyone and got the audience laughing, screaming, stamping their feet and a whole lot of women saying Dele’s name!
Reviewed by Melissa Lewars
